OK, so it's now 8 weeks since I first came down with the flu for a few weeks, recovered, and within 2 days got infected w/ a throat bug and haven't gotten better since. It's really frustrating to say the least. I'm normally healthy and active and am rarely sick for very long or very often. What's prolonging this? I don't know...maybe it's life in the city and lack of fresh air and green things (I've never lived in a city before), maybe it's lack of sunshine (I've never lived this far north), maybe it's a poorer diet (I can't afford to eat as healthy as I did before), and maybe it's just a passing thing and I'll soon get better...
Whatever, the reason, I've been waffling between feeling lousy and feeling almost, but not quite back to normal. And each day I think that I'll wake up tomorrow and it will all be better and I can get back into life again. I have a hard time doing absolutely nothing but resting, so I'm sure I've prolonged the recovery process. I feel like I'm falling way behind in my language study and letting people down who can usually count on me to be faithful to showing up and getting a job done.
And worst of all, my time with God has suffered b/c I often haven't had the energy to feel like doing anything, even reading. So, it's been difficult to get a lot out of daily bible reading and prayer b/c it's harder to concentrate and absorb what I read. But, thankfully, each day I've been able to find some encouragement for the day or some food for thought...that hopefully I won't read and forget, not having the ability to ponder it for long before my mind moves on to something else.
Anyway, it's definitely given me more compassion again for people who are sick and a desire to be wiser about taking the time to rest when I first start feeling sick and not letting myself feel pressured into doing things as if the world is depending on me. It's hard when people don't understand and when they make fun of me or are disappointed with me. Believe me, it's not like I'd ever choose to be sick! I hate it! If it were up to me, I'd never be sick and I'd always have the energy to help people and do what I'm supposed to be doing... But there are somethings I can't control - and this is one of them. So, learning to be less proud and not worrying about what my friends or leaders think is an important lesson. And as much as I hate being sick and cooped up for so long, I'm very thankful for friends and food and a place to stay in peace and for a Savior who loves me unconditionally and extravagantly even though I'm not feeling much of anything right now and am frustrated at this situation.
I've gotten out of the habit of gratitude, so I'm starting to think about all the good things I can be thankful for in the midst of difficulties and that helps...
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