A constant battle with prejudices!

Prejudice is a constant battle...one of which I am really tired of fighting.

A good friend recently told me that they just realized that they can truly be my friend now b/c they see that I'm not like a foreigner, I'm like them... And this comment is from a friend that I've been good friends with for a long time!

This was really frustrating b/c it shows that most people will always think of me as a foreigner and put me into a box labeled "foreigner" (with all of it's preconceived ideas and constraints) - even though this is the first place in which I have truly felt at home and that I can be myself, and where "myself" is not weird or outrageous compared to the local culture. ARGH!!!

If I had had a choice in where I was born, I would have been born in a different place, one which does not have so many negative connotations, pre-conceived ideas, and prejudices against it. And that's not to say that I dislike the country of my birth, just that it makes life abroad much more difficult. Even from childhood, I remember wishing that I had been born somewhere else and had dual-citizenship. Why? I'm not sure; I guess it was just interesting to me at the time, especially as I had classmates with dual-citizenship just from being born in a different country from their parent's citizenships.

Anyway, it is discouraging to feel that I have a big label pasted on my forehead which reads "foreigner" that will never go away no matter how long I live here or how similar I am to the people around me or who I am as an individual or how long I am friends with someone. I get so tired of constantly being judged for everything I do and say and held to a standard that's not put upon anyone else. I am tired of people judging me first by where I was born and only later by who I really am (and sometimes the later part never comes). To be honest, it hurts...and I don't know how to ignore it very well.

I guess that's part of what the Bible means when it says that everyone who follows God are aliens and strangers on this earth and that our real citizenship is in heaven. I just wish that my teammates and acquaintances realized that too and stopped labeling me and judging me by my place of birth, instead accepting me as a person who deeply cares about them and is able to relate to them...

But oh well, I can't control them and this hindrance is something that at least so far hasn't kept me from being able to do what I need to do, which is a real blessing despite the frustration. My desire is to relate to and love people and to fit in as best as possible, which is something that God has given me here, even with the prejudice. He gave me a Slavic heritage, a family that was very different from usual in the country of my birth. He created me as a person who feels at home here and fits in well with the culture and the people. But, he also created me with sensitivity and that's where I get into trouble when people constantly judge me and I can't easily shake it off. I need His grace even more to not let prejudice get to me and to be able to focus on Him and others instead of becoming self-conscious and hurt. Thankfully, He's able to do just that and to enable me to live whole-heartedly for Him without being hindered by those who judge me without cause. :-)