Different points of view...

Being really sick for the past 3 months hasn't been any fun...and mostly it's been very BORING, frustrating, and difficult. Without any family support nearby, it's 100 times more difficult than usual.

What I find very interesting is the view of some of my friends that taking care of ones' self while one is sick is really very easy and not any work at all. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of guests, repairing frequently unexpectedly broken things - these are all somehow considered totally resting?! What makes this point of view even more interesting to me is that those who have this mindset have family who can take care of them when they're sick. So, yes, while it is definitely not as hard to take care of only ones' self as it is to take care of others as well as ones' self while sick, it still is not at all easy to care for oneself and one's living quarters while one is really sick and needs to rest in order to get well again. I certainly don't like being sick and dependent (who does?), but I haven't suddenly become well again - especially when I'm constantly expending energy cooking, cleaning, and repairing things each day instead of resting and getting better. Some days it takes all the energy I have to just get out of bed and drag myself to the couch, and standing up is a real effort, let alone doing anything else. So, on those days, I just eat whatever is at hand (like bread or yogurt) without any cooking or preparation and try not to let the mess in the flat bother me.

Since I don't often outwardly show that I am sick, most people have no clue about how bad I am really feeling, even if I try to explain it to them (words just aren't as powerful as an awful-looking face). I understand how hard it is to be compassionate towards others, especially if you can't really see or feel how they're feeling. So, I don't hold it against anyone when they don't understand and expect me to wait on them hand and foot even until late at night. This just makes me far more appreciative of the few friends I have that have been understanding and helpful during my 3 month-long illness.

I am very, very grateful to a small handful of friends in particular who have recently been taking some care of me by bringing me food, cooking for me, and cleaning up afterwards when they come to visit instead of expecting me to wait on them, much as I'd have liked to (thanks especially to Alyosha, Vova, & Esther for this weekend's cooking/cleaning, and to Dima & Anya for taking me to the hospital!).

Just having people be compassionate and understanding is a huge encouragement in the midst of illness when it's very easy to become down or discouraged about not getting better or from hearing too many insensitive comments. I must constantly ask God to help me not become disheartened by being sick or from uncompassionate friends. For in the end, it's only His grace and help that can bring me joy and lift my spirits when I'm feeling useless and exhausted day after day. And when He chooses to reveal His love and care for me through friends from time to time, it's like icing on the cake... I hope that someday I can return the favor to my friends and be caring and compassionate when they're ill or feeling down. It truly is a joy to help others!