Do you have soul cancer?

I've been struggling lately with some residual soul cancer. "What?," you say. "What is soul cancer?" Well, that's a good question... Soul cancer is anything which continually eats away inside you, sapping all that is good and keeping you from experiencing the full joy of living and loving others. Soul cancer could be jealousy - when many others around you seem to be receiving what you have long desired and you seem to be left out. It could be self-pity, the feeling that you are no one special and have nothing needful to contribute to those around you. It could be bitterness - a doozy of a cancer that is hard to uproot - which grows from a myriad of different seeds, jealousy, pity, longing, disappointment, anger, to name a few. It could be doubt - which causes one to see even good things through pessimistic glasses.

Speaking of disappointment and doubt, they almost always go hand in hand... When one is disappointed in something, especially something precious and longed for, one begins to doubt that good things will ever happen or that God's plans for us are for good and not for harm. Then, armed with these subconscious seeds of doubt, one is disappointed again because one continually expects disappointment rather than fulfillment. This vicious cycle leads to yet more doubt and more disappointment, yielding a crop of negativity, a dour appearance, and heavy heart. It soon prevents one from even enjoying those things which would normally give pleasure and joy, which is not healthy for us or for those around us!

For example, if one is praying for something particular to happen and there appears to be no immediate answer, does this mean that there is no answer? No! What it means is the answer is yet to come, and one must be patient and trust that the prayer was heard and will be answered at the right time. Not only that, it also means that the thing for which we prayed just might not be what is best for us - and if we received what we wanted when we wanted, we'd be let down.

I think in the end, one must face soul cancer for what it really is...a lack of trusting God's ultimate goodness and power in our lives. If one truly believed that God loves unconditionally, is actively working in one's life for good, and cares for one even more than even the best earthly parents could, then when disappointments came, one would understand that the desire one had was not what was best at that particular time and would be content in letting it go and not allowing bitterness or jealousy or doubt to take root and grow. However, that's much easier said than done when one doesn't receive what one desires for a long, long time...

How can one root out this soul cancer? First, by confronting it and realizing what it really is. Second, by refreshing one's memory with truth and in prayer. Third, by learning to be thankful for the blessings one has (which are many more than we usually realize, even for those in difficult circumstances). And finally, by changing our mindset to take hold of the truth of God's love and care for us and trusting that He really does love and care for us and will do what is best for us, despite the fact that we don't deserve it and are far from perfect.

Not everyone would agree with me, especially about God, but I can say from experience that allowing bitterness, envy, doubt, anger, disappointment, self-pity, etc. to linger in one's soul is like ignoring a fast-growing, deadly cancer. It will silently take over and become very difficult to uproot and destroy. But, when one sees the problem for what it is and deals with it right away, the soul cancer goes into remission and we can once again live healthy, happy, whole lives. This is not a once-in-a-lifetime or once-in-a-while treatment. Just as with cancer, it requires learning to have a disciplined, healthy lifestyle, continuing to monitor oneself for signs of cancerous regrowth, and taking things one day at a time.