08 September 2009

Can one be fashionably modest in a world where dressing like a hooker is the status quo?

So, can one be fashionably modest in a world where dressing like a hooker is the status quo? Is it even possible to be fashionable and modest at the same time? And what exactly is modest?

So, first of all, just what is the definition of modesty?
From dictionary.com, "modesty" is:
1. the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
2. regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
3. simplicity; moderation.

And from the American Heritage dictionary:
1. The state or quality of being modest.
2. Reserve or propriety in speech, dress, or behavior.
3. Lack of pretentiousness; simplicity.

The word first made it's appearance in the English language in 1531, and meant "freedom from exaggeration, self-control." It was used again in 1553 as meaning "having a moderate opinion of oneself."

I find it very interesting that the main focus is on humility, simplicity, self-control, and moderation.

Now, for everyone there is a slightly different definition of modesty as regards clothing, how much is too much and what can/can't be shown. However, I think that modesty isn't about conforming to a strict set of rules of how many centimeters a hemline should be (although that can be a helpful guideline at first), but rather modesty is a state of the heart... And when one is truly modest at heart, one doesn't need measurement rules to decide what is or isn't modest, one understands how to dress in a way that is nice (and I mean that in multiple senses of the word).
(Note: links to modest, modern clothing sites are at the bottom of this post)

In my opinion, a modest woman is someone who isn't focused on attracting men sexually. Rather, she is confident in herself, humble, and concerned more about the needs of those around her than about pleasing herself. She understands the beauty of mystery and doesn't want to make it hard for others to stay pure mentally or physically. She exhibits a calm, peaceful spirit and appropriate reserve (meaning not just in her appearance, but in her behavior as well). Now, modesty doesn't mean being an invisible wall-flower (have you ever seen a confident wall-flower?), but it certainly doesn't mean being a loud, brash, flashy woman who doesn't know how to behave appropriately. In earlier times, a brash, uncontrolled woman would have been labeled uncouth or uncultured (and that's putting it nicely); however, in today's backwards view of reality, she is held up as an ideal for young woman to aspire to...

So, how can one dress modestly and yet still be modern and attractive (and I use attractive in the sense not meaning to draw overt attention to oneself, but meaning to dress in a way which is feminine and not frumpy or sloppy)? Until recently, it had become very difficult, if not impossible, to find modest, yet attractive, modern clothing in major retail stores. Thanks to a recent trend for longer length tops, it is becoming just slightly easier. But, is it really possible to attempt to dress in a modest, attractive manner and not be tainted by the overwhelming fashion trend of low necklines, high hemlines, thongs, see-through tops, ultra low-rise jeans, bare bellies (can anyone say puffy muffin top?)? I believe that it is...but that it takes a LOT of work and persistence.

I sometimes find it rather discouraging to constantly be surrounded by stick-thin, skimpily dressed girls (where a size 40/44 (6/8 US) is an "XXL" and it's often hard to even find that size in the local shops). There are also times when I feel unfashionable, and yet to give in to the self-appointed fashion gurus and wear tight, revealing, spangle-encrusted clothing is not an option. So, what to do? How to dress in a way that doesn't compromise modesty, but is fashionable and modern at the same time? I'd have to be the first to admit, that I'm still learning...

I think that this requires becoming an expert shopper, knowing what styles are going to work for your body, and hunting those down. It also means being very creative, often altering items or putting together items that weren't originally meant to go together. And, it means spending a lot of time trying everything on, subjecting it to the test of movement (sitting, bending all the way over, slouching, raising one's arms, etc.), and only purchasing what doesn't show parts that aren't supposed to show. And sometimes, much to my chagrin, it means sewing something from scratch because nothing in the stores quite works for a particular occasion (or is way too expensive to consider - and speaking of too expensive, did you ever wonder why expensive clothing is usually modest as a rule and the affordable clothing bracket is where it's much harder to find modest options?? - think about it).

My shopping goal (and I want to mention now that I really, really HATE shopping - I'd rather clean a toilet with a toothbrush or watch professional bowling (which btw, is super-boring if you've never watched before - will it be a strike or only a spare?! oooh!)) is to come away with wardrobe pieces which fit, flatter, function, and feel good - and are classy enough to outlast the expiration date on my credit card. Meeting this goal is not easy, but it is slowly becoming more doable... Yet, I often come away from a shopping trip with little or nothing to show for it and a huge amount of frustration at the lack of available attractively modest clothing. When frustrated at the lack of options, I don't advocate throwing femininity to the wind and only dressing in boxy t-shirts and jeans or baggy shorts/skirts and thinking that it's a valid solution to the modesty problem. To be quite honest, I think that's a cop-out and not only not very feminine, but it also prevents one from being able to say something to young girls about being more modest and being heard (I mean think about it - would you at age 12 have listened to fashion advice from someone whom you thought dressed like a total frump? Unless you're very unique, I don't think so.).

I do think it's important for women who want to dress modestly to also make the extra effort to dress in a way which is also feminine and pretty. <<"Gasp!" I can't believe I just wrote that - this coming from someone who's entire wardrobe at one point in her life consisted of baggy shorts and over-sized, manly t-shirts b/c I didn't feel attractive and didn't know how to look nice and yet still be comfortable and be able to move freely (and I'm still learning that one). Oh, and I still got more than enough of whistles and yells on the streets in my baggy days, even more so than when dressing more femininely and fashionably, go figure!>>

But, before you jump to any conclusions, I'm not advocating focusing one's time and attention on primping or trying to look stunning to attract the opposite sex. In fact, I advocate just the opposite. However, I do think that when one is buying clothing (which one must do from time to time), that one should put in the effort it takes to purchase nice, classy, fashionable items, instead of just taking a few seconds to pick up a plain 'ole t-shirt and calling it a day (and even a t-shirt can be something more if it's cut well, embellished, and of a more feminine design). Going back to the definition of modesty, it's more about simplicity and avoiding extremes and displays of vanity (and I'd have to say that in my opinion, some of the manly t-shirt, long skirt-wearing advocates are rather extreme in their dress, which interestingly enough, bucks the very definition of modesty). So, onward and upward - where is this rambling of thoughts going??

To conclude my venting about modesty, I discovered something interesting recently. There is a whole new internet-based shopping trend -- a handful of sites where one can purchase ready-made clothing which is modest and reasonably fashionable. Some of the sites have higher prices and cater more to the boutique crowd, while others have more reasonable prices and cater more to the mass consumer. Here are the links to some of those on-line shops, in no particular order (disclaimer: I do not personally endorse any of these links, nor am I responsible for the contents of any of these links, and be aware that some of these sites support religious views which differ from mine):
(site price guide: $ - most items less than $20, $$ - most items $20-$40, $$$ - most items $40-60, $$$$ - most items more than $60)

Or you can just Google "modest women's clothing" and see for yourself what you can find...
Posted by Tigger :D at 11:25

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